Either it’s selective perception or my generation was simply ready to become parents or maybe it’s the effect of Jupiter in Cancer. But the moment I got pregnant, pregnant women started popping up around me one by one. My social media algorithms, the ads served to me, conversations at family and friend gatherings—everything started revolving around this topic. Naturally, I found myself frequently observing the pregnant women around me. One particular attitude I noticed really got me thinking deep.
*”Why should my pregnancy affect our lives? My husband can still make time for his friends and hobbies just like before—after all, I’m the only one who’s pregnant, right?”*
We saw this exact dynamic in the Turkish movie *Lohusa* (Postpartum). The female lead, claiming she wouldn’t fall for that whole postpartum vibe because she’s a “cool partner,” swallowed her need for attention and support. Instead, she bent over backward to make sure everyone else’s life kept running exactly as it did before.
But why did we decide that expecting more attention, support and time from our partners during pregnancy or the postpartum period is a bad thing while labeling the women who don’t ask for it as “cool”? And who do you think this mindset actually serves?
Of course, it serves the patriarchy—the male-dominated system. Must be nice to become a father without a single thing changing in your life without a single new responsibility added and without compromising on your own comfort only to suddenly have a baby appear in your arms, right?
*”I’m not going to be one of those erratic, emotional pregnant/postpartum women; I won’t be needy. I didn’t count on anyone’s support when I decided to have this baby.”*
* First of all, it takes two people to make a baby, and this baby has a father. If he isn’t going to offer support, why did he become a father in the first place?
* Isn’t it completely normal for an expectant or new mother’s needs to increase, and for her to struggle with managing her emotions as she goes through massive biological and psychological changes? Is it really too much to expect the father—who isn’t the one going through this grueling process—to create a safe space for her?
It is time to stop marketing behaviors and mindsets that solely serve men’s comfort as “cool.” Let’s stop labeling the act of ignoring, suppressing and neglecting our own needs as the new normal.
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